I Don’t Want to Write This Blog Post

There you have it, folks. I don’t want to write this blog post.

Is that too blunt? Too rude? Too… lazy?

Perhaps, it’s all of the above. But, what’s the one thing that it definitely is? Honest.

A round of applause for me. Just kidding, please don’t do that. Not yet, at least.

Let us track a little further back. Sav (The ‘Sa’ in Sanico) reached out to me and asked if I’d be interested in writing a reflective piece for their blog about some contract work I did for them, which included some IT Maintenance work, such as Hardware Installation - my fancy way of saying ‘I set up computers’.

I said ‘Well, gosh darn, diddly squat, cut me a block of cheese and slap it on a platter, because I’ll do it!’ (Liberties have been taken as to the correct response I had given Sav when he had asked… it was a couple months ago, okay?)

Simply, I agreed. I had initially expressed my desire to write a piece about ‘Management’, reflecting on my positive experience being managed by Sav and Domenico (the ‘nico’ in Sanico) during the contract, compared to some positive and negative experiences of being managed in other jobs throughout my life. These other jobs included:

• Working as a kitchen hand for seven years
• Editing both small and large format videos (videography and films)
• Packing boxes of shoes at a warehouse
• Bartending at multiple venues for large amounts of attendees
• Working with sheep on various farms in the country

I like to think it would’ve made an interesting blog since I’ve dealt with a variety of managers and types of management. But there was something that was stopping me - I didn’t want to do it.

But, I agreed to do it, no? I said I wanted to do it. I said to cut me a block of cheese and slap it on a platter, because I’ll do it. Right? And believe it or not, you would be right. But nonetheless, I still did not want to do it. So, a couple months went by, and the most I had managed was the title: Good Vs Bad Management. Hooray for me.

Another week passed and I sat again to write. But, all I could think about was not wanting to write the blog.

An audience member in the back row raises their hand and questions: Um, Luke. Hi, it’s Stephen here, reporter from the Imaginary News, I have a question… What the heck are you talking about?

Great question, Stephen, from the Imaginary News.

What I’m talking about is the struggle to do. It would be hard to prove me wrong, if I made the statement: sometimes I (or we, as people) don’t want to do the things we want to do. Sounds silly, but I can point fingers at every person in this room (imaginary room, full of really cool people who are reading this blog post - I’m looking at you, mum) who would like to do things in their life, but struggle to actually do them. Or, even more so, not wanting to do anything new.

Want to get fit, healthy, dad-bod to summer-bod? Perhaps running is a great way to start. Yet, push comes to shove, the sun has set and you’re into your second tub of Ben and Jerry’s. What happened?

Or perhaps, you want to sit down and expand your intellect with some good old fashioned reading, the type where you select a book, turn a page, read some letters that form words, which form sentences, in turn forming meaning and knowledge and understanding. But you select the book, you sit and read for a few minutes, and then the book lays on the bedside table for a few months. You walk past it every day, glance with guilt and say to yourself ‘I’ll get back to that soon.’ Dust settles, the book remains lonely. Soon, in fact, never comes.

These types of situations may seem trivial.

But over the years, I’ve realised how important doing things that you ‘don’t’ want to do, are. Wait a second, what do I mean by ‘don’t want to do.’?

Doing things that you ‘don’t’ want to do, may include:

• Catching up with that friend, especially when you’ve had a long, hard week, and all you want to do is stay home and watch some Netflix (or Stan… Or Disney plus… Or Amazon Prime… Or Foxtel…)
• Taking on a job that you don’t feel comfortable doing, due to your lack of experience and lack of knowledge in the field.
• Going out to breakfast the next morning after a night-shift working late.

These are all relatively reasonable things that you may not want to do, and with valid reasons. We’re only human, after all.

But over the years, I’ve learnt that there are some things you don’t want to do, and some things that you want to do, but struggle to do them, and that both are just as important to do.

I’m a (struggling, often debilitated, and very doubtful) filmmaker and writer. I took a chance of following my heart to pursue this endeavour. It is difficult, and will continue to be so. But, I chose to do it, even when every fibre in my being tells me to do something more stable, more concrete, more achievable. Even when I manage to write seven words, or a thousand. There is a constant nagging in my head that tells me to do otherwise. Simultaneously, I both want to do it, and not want to do it.

There are many who don’t have this, and there are many that do. So, when I thought about creating an excuse to get myself out of writing this blog, I reflected on the choices I’ve made in life when I didn’t want to do something (or struggled to do something I wanted to do) and did it. Remember those examples from before?:

• Catching up with that friend, despite having a long, hard week → I agreed to catch up with that friend, and an unexpected person decided to come along, a mutual friend from University. This friend who I’d known, but not really known, joined my mate and I; this friend is now my long term partner. If I hadn’t gone, I may have missed the chance to get to know her more, and in turn, start a wonderful relationship together.
• Going out to breakfast the next morning after a night-shift working late → Buggered and bleary-eyed as I may’ve been, I went and got breakfast the following morning with some family members. One of those members was my grandmother, with whom we shared some stories, talked about work, had a laugh, and in which I drove her home after breakfast, saying goodbye. The next time I saw her, she was asleep in a hospital bed, and soon passed away peacefully a day later. Hadn’t I gone to breakfast, I wouldn’t have had one last laugh with her.
• Taking on a job that you don’t feel comfortable doing → That was the Sanico job! Nervous, unsure, but reassured by Sav and Dom, I took the job that led me to both Sydney and Melbourne, two places I’d never been before, and got to experience their cities, and work in a different workspace than I had before, and challenged myself daily with ongoing problems to solve. I also got to work with two friends, an unexpected endeavour that I’ll certainly cherish.

If I hadn’t taken that job, perhaps Sav wouldn’t have asked me to have written a blog post about my reflections from working that job. I wonder how he feels now, having to read this… Sorry, Sav!

I suppose what I’m reflecting on is that I’ve only grown from doing the things I don’t want to do. And I’ve certainly grown by pushing past doubt, laziness, and procrastination to do the things I want to do, but struggle to do them. I believe everyone does.

So, here I am, writing a post that I didn’t want to write. Who knows, maybe this will lead me somewhere unexpected. It could turn me into a billionaire. Or, maybe I’ve incriminated myself somehow and the sirens in the distance are growing louder, and I’ll be cuffed, tried and sentenced away for many years.

And, if nothing comes from it… that’s okay. I’m happy that I did it.

Cue that round of applause from earlier. Thanks, mum.

Luke.