Why End it in Fire?

A lover who dumped you? A company that fired you? A client who left you? A friend who ditched you? A soccer team that cut you?

Humans feel the gravity of a rejection hit them like a blaze of fire, a strong emotional backlash that leads us to burn a bridge and cut that person, company, client, or thing from our life.

I recently asked myself, why does it have to end in fire? Why do we have to burn a bridge?

From a young age, I learnt that if I am rejected then I must reject back, “an eye for an eye” type situation. However, in business I learnt to not burn a bridge, even if my internal conscience urges me to douse it with all the fuel on the planet and light the match to eradicate it.

Pointless Fire

I learnt the lesson from a failed client sale.

A potential client, for anonymity I shall call them Pamela, asked me for a new marketing website as their old one failed to attract customers. I organised an online meeting but they preferred that I go to their physical office. I work with clients around the world and hardly meet them in person but since I lived in the same city I obliged and met Pamela in person.

I travelled to the office, discussed solutions for a couple of hours, pitched different ways forward, and returned home to prepare a quote. I sent off the quote to which Pamela immediately replied and said she lacked the funds for my proposed solution.

For over 3 months we discussed different options and I travelled back and forth to their office. After all these discussions they randomly sent a dry and generic email to say they chose a friend that “makes websites on the side”.

I looked up the friend of Pamela and saw their website advertised them as a music producer, not a software developer. I immediately called Pamela and cautioned against choosing their friend because I knew that they would produce a subpar website. Pamela thanked me for the concern but decided to move ahead with her friend.

Now… in that moment I felt annoyed, rejected, and defeated. I felt I over-invested my time in Pamela, I missed the tell-tale signs of her time wasting behaviour, and felt embarrassed to inform my business partner Dom of the missed opportunity.

Instead, Dom replied in a way that dumbfounded me. He said: “What’s the big deal here?”.

I snapped back: “I over-invested the company’s time in a potential client that ended up choosing someone else.”

Dom laughed and said: “ahh well, you win some, you lose some”.

His nonchalant reaction shocked and infuriated me more. How was this all good?????!!!!!

I angrily proclaimed: “I will never work with those time wasters again”.

He sternly replied: “Pull your head out your ass, respectfully reply, wish them all the best, and leave the door open if they ever require our help in the future”.

As imagined, with all my immature pride, I argued back and forth with Dom because I wanted to reply with a snappy email that questioned their integrity. To no avail, Dom demanded that I go home and reflect.

I collected my things and angrily went home annoyed. I felt as though he snatched the oil from my hands and prevented me from burning a fire on my metaphorical bridge with Pamela. He is my younger brother, but sometimes he proves to be much wiser than me (don’t tell him I said that).

Pulled my Head Out

After much contemplation, I realised that a burnt bridge will end the relationship with the client. Not only that, I appear petty, childish, immature, and a piss poor business owner. Pamela, and any other client, reserves the right to say no to me and choose who they want for the job. If it “wasted” my time then that’s my problem, not Pamela’s problem. I must instead go away, accept responsibility, improve my sales process where possible, and reassert that I tried my best.

As Dom requested, I opted for the better path. I replied in a polite manner, respected their decision, and left the door open if they ever required further assistance. Pamela responded warmly to my reply and thanked me for my time.

I used the experience as a lesson for how I react to rejection not only in business but also in my personal life. I collected my thoughts in a reflective write-up, noted places to improve in the sales process, and let it go.

Then… over one year later… Pamela emailed me. She decried her freelancer friend who built an awful website after several months of continuous delays. She apologised profusely that she chose her friend over me and begged for my assistance.

Part of me felt vindicated. As I drafted up an email response, I wanted to respond with the classic “I told you so”. I resisted because I know everyone hates that cheap and cliché response. Instead, I allowed the client to pass through the bridge with open arms.

I re-quoted Pamela for a new website, which she accepted. After publication, the website performed unbelievably well and led to her landing significant client deals which immediately paid off her initial outlay to us (and then some). She left an amazing review and continues to use our services to this day.

Situations like this transfer a wisdom not teachable through books but through personal experience.

Click Click Boom

Now, let me set things straight. I do not claim that I am not disappointed when I lose a sale. I do not claim I am the emotionless Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz with no heart. Nor do I claim to give up when a client says no.

I want to illustrate that burning the bridge after a rejection loses two opportunities: the first initial opportunity and the potential one in the future.

All I ask: must it end in fire?

This is post number 3 in a series called ‘Business According to Sav’ where I share my business reflections and learnings, you can read the previous post here.